Ons sal mekaar nie los nie : 'n kwalitatiewe ondersoek na die aard van die onderlinge verbondenheid van leraars binne die Verenigde Ring van Stellenbosch

Botha, Theunis Jacobus (2014-12)

Thesis (MTh)--Stellenbosch University, 2014.

Thesis

ENGLISH ABSTRACT: The Hungarian psychiatrist, Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy developed Contextual therapy from the systems-approach in family therapy during the previous millennium. He distinguish himself in the field of psychology with his relational ethics, bringing ethics into play within his approach. When you look at someone you have to look deeper or past what is in sight. The person you see has an address. He/she comes from somewhere, is the son or daughter of a man and a woman and is linked to them with ‘n chord of loyalty that cannot be broken. They didn’t choose each other, yet it is a connectedness for life. It orientates the individual and launches him/her into life. This man and woman are then again the son and daughter of a man and a woman and so we can stretch back into past generations. Each individual on earth is somehow wove into this fabric of relations and in each relation is a dynamic process of give and take at stake – or not. Where there is reciprocity in relations concerning this balance in give and receive there is growth and a nurturing environment. The opposite is unfortunately also a reality. Then people wound and exploit each other. It is therefore true of every individual on earth that he/she brings with him/her baggage from his/her place of origin. It comes from far. Each one has a context – a context where he/she could excel in developing his/her unique identity or a background of pain, suffering and discrimination. Therefore, do not judge people from the outside. What you see and what you make out of the situation or the person is your perception. You make an object of the person, a thing, and go around him/her with all your prejudices and opinions. That is not the authentic other. It is your image of him/her. Rather allow them to introduce themselves to you. In a meeting like that, in the moment of meeting, something cataclysmic happens and opens new horizons. But this is only possible when you attend to the other in an empathic way, recognizing his/her connectedness to his/her origins and the people who played major roles in ‘shaping and molding the clay’. They also become your conversation partners. With an attitude of multi-directed partiality you become trustworthy. This is where ‘ethics’ happens in relationships (Nagy). Even in the broader community these core values can be lived because each person has an address and comes from somewhere and is on ‘n journey towards the future. When people see and recognized each other it is simultaneously an invite to a dialogue, a meeting. This is the only way to meet someone in the present because he/she can converse with words and images and thoughts and this is the only way you meet the ‘real’ other and together you can journey onwards to tomorrow. This should also be true inside the church. This is the Good News. We are created as relational beings and are being called upon to acknowledge each other, respect each other, be able to forgive each other and take hands in unity. It is all about the justice of the human order.

AFRIKAANSE OPSOMMING: Die Hongaarse psigiater, Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy ontwikkel sy Kontekstuele terapie vanuit die sisteem-benadering in familie-terapie in die vorige eeu. Hy onderskei hom daarin dat hy ‘n etiese dimensie inbring in die psigoterapeutiese proses met gesinne en hy noem dit – relasionele etiek Wanneer jy na iemand kyk, sê hy, moet jy nie net dit sien wat jy sien nie – die uiterlike. Die persoon voor jou het ‘n adres. Hy/sy kom van êrens. Hy/sy is immers die kind van twee mense wat hom/haar verwek het. Hy/sy is aan hulle verbonde met ‘n onbreekbare band van lojaliteit. Lojaliteit is ‘n bestaansgegewe. Jy kan nooit nie lojaal wees aan jou ouers nie. Jy is ongekies verbind aan hulle – ‘n verbondenheid vir die lewe. Dit is jou oriënteringskema. Dit is leweskenkend Maar hulle op hulle beurt is ook die seun en dogter van ‘n man en ‘n vrou en so kan teruggegaan word in generasies in. Binne hierdie netwerk van relasies is elke individu ingeweef en binne hierdie weefsel is hy/sy deel van ‘n dinamiese gebeure van gee en ontvang wat aan die een kant opbou en sorg en groei bewerk maar aan die anderkant ook destruktief kan wees daarin dat dit kwes en verwond. Van elke individu op hierdie aardmantel kan gesê word dat hy/sy onuitwisbaar bagasie dra wat hy/sy ontvang het in hul huis van afkoms. Dit kom van vêr. Elkeen het ‘n konteks – konteks waar daar paslik gegee en ontvang is of ‘n konteks waar daar te korte aan die orde van die dag was in terme van die balanse van gee en neem. Daarom moet jy geen mens bloot op die uiterlike oordeel nie. Wat jy sien en wat jy dink aangaande die persoon is ‘n persepsie. Dit is jou beeld waarmee jy die ander objektiveer. Ruimte moet eerder gegee word dat die ander hom/haar in hul outentiekheid aan jou voorstel. In daardie moment gebeur daar ‘n ontmoeting wat verreikend is met die oog op die toekoms. Dit vra egter sagte oë en empatiese luister want die persoon het ‘n adres en almal met wie hy/sy verbind is moet by wyse van spreke ook jou gespreksmaats word ten einde die persoon voor jou te verstaan en te ontvang. So gedoen met ’n houding van meersydige partydigheid word jy betroubaar voor jou naaste. Dit is waar ‘etiek’ gebeur aldus Nagy. Wanneer mense buite die gesin om in breër verband na mekaar uitreik, geld dieselfde grondbeginsels. Almal kom van êrens en is oppad na die toekoms. Wanneer hulle mekaar raaksien en erken , nooi hulle mekaar uit tot ‘n gesprek, ‘n dialoog,. ‘n ontmoeting. Só alleen ontmoet jy die werklike ander in die hede want hy/sy kan praat en ek kan hom/haar hoor sodat my beeld van hom/haar geskiedenis word en ons vanuit die hede verder aamstap na môre. Binne die kerk behoort dit wat hier geskrywe staan geensins grieks te wees nie. Dit is immers die evangelie. Menswees is saamwees met ander en die saamwees met ander vra vir ‘n houding van onvoorwaardelike aanvaarding, respek, begrip, vergifnis en oorgawe. So alleen word die reg gevoed en instand gehou in die menslike samesyn. Bo alles vra dit dat ek die ander sal raak sien.

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